Finding Hope
by SeraphimeRising
Summary: When hope is all we have, sometimes we find something more. Warnings: References to episodes of violence. Angst. Dark topics.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor do I make any money.**

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**Finding Hope**

**001. Blind**

Ron found himself unable to do anything but blink at the dirty street urchin standing in front of him. Pale blue eyes meeting his own in pure unadulterated horror.

In his short life, and even shorter time with the Aurors, he had learned the art of reading people by their eyes and these strangely familiar ones confused him. He had never been the kind of guy to instill such a deep fear in another's. He was the kind to be overlooked, underestimated, or laughed at.

By the time he could speak, she was gone, leaving him staring blindly into nothing.

**002. Need**

There was a time that Ron remembered staying at home on a Friday evening, relaxing after a long week of balancing the Aurors and the shop, but now? These days he found himself stalking the streets of London looking for any sign of those pale blue eyes. It had been weeks since he chased her, having caught her stealing food from a market and he couldn't let the thought of her go, much to Hermione's discontent.

Nights when it got too late, too wet, or too cold, he thought about his recent break-up; he just couldn't bring himself to mourn.

**003. Gold**

In the shadows of Knockturn, Ron passed yet another set of golden galleons in hopes this time his informant's information was correct. He mentally memorised the address of a cafe far from Diagon Alley where the man had sworn he seen a street urchin with dark hair and pale blue eyes (though he swore they were the colour of ice and not blue).

With a gruff thanks, Ron tightened the scarf around his neck and buried his hands deep within his coats pockets, before making his way out of the Alley, with the single hope that tonight he'd find her.

**004. Foreign**

Another day. Another night. Another false lead.

Tired, Ron decided to take a break before one last round of the neighborhood. He was ready to give up for the evening. As he stepped into the cafe, he brushed and stomped the newly fallen snow from his clothing.

When a cheerful offer of coffee was called out to him, he returned the cheerfulness as much as he could with a quick 'ta' before falling into a nearby booth. There were so many times he had failed in his life but he had never felt like this, like he could not win.

** 005. Refusal.**

Leaving enough money on the table fore the coffee and the chat, Ron looked up to see if the snow was still falling only to find the pale blue eyes he had been searching for on the other side of the glass. He watched her mouth something before taking off running.

Out of fear and desperation, he didn't bother to pick up his scarf before running out of the cafe and after her.

Thankfully, his long legs finally overcame her head start; Ron reached out and grabbed her arm only to drop it when she cried,

"I won't go back."

** 006. Impromptu. **

Shocked, Ron came to a halt, letting her gain distance from him again. He watched her turn a corner before his mind processed that she was getting away.

Several near misses later, he finally caught up with her. This time when he grabbed her, he pulled her back towards him as he shrugged off his coat. Her cries of ' I can't go back', 'I won't go back', and 'please' – all broke his heart.

Wrapping his coat around her, he took a chance –

"Ten tomorrow night. At the cafe. Let's just talk, the two of us. Okay?"

** 007. Chains**

Ron sat stewing at the cafe blasting himself for being such a fool. He had arrived at nine – just in case, but then ten came and went and now eleven was just a passing thought.

The clanging of the chain from the door to the cafe opening caused Ron's head to snap up from staring at yet another empty coffee mug. When he didn't see her (yet again), he sighed -deciding it was time to leave.

The stranger saying, "Can you call for help? There's a girl and a small child on the ground outside", caused Ron's heart to plummet.

** 008. Miracle**

Immediately, Ron fell to his knees by the girl in his coat holding onto a small child. He couldn't tell if they were still alive or not. Quickly, he scooped the two of them up and ducked into the nearby alley. With a silent prayer that his instincts were right and she was a witch, he Apparated the three of them to the lobby of St. Mungo's.

Once there he went to the ground doing a diagnostic charm himself as the commotion grew in the lobby from the abruptness of his entrance.

Ron cried with the sight of two heartbeats.

**009. Justice**

His eyes were focused on a spot on the floor that he had long stop seeing as his mind fluctuated between a cold blankness and memories of the yelling match with Theo Nott earlier.

Words of injustice the poor girl had suffered further blurred together as his mind finally settled on a single word – Pansy.

The pale blue eyes now more than familiar -they were a part of his school years. All those years of hate he felt toward the girl now morphed into a heavy guilt. For he somehow felt responsible for her life going so horribly wrong.

**010. Soft**

"You are still here."

Those words, spoken with such a soft amazement that Ron didn't believe they were actually directed at him, so he kept staring at the dingy tile floor waiting for any news about Pansy or the child. Even when he felt someone take a seat in the chair next to him, he didn't look to see who had replaced where Harry had been sitting. Harry had given up trying to get Ron to talk to him and headed into the Ministry to find out why Pansy was on the streets.

After several moments, Ron turned his head to see an equally exhausted Theo.

**011. Water**

Ron wasn't sure how long he sat there in the waiting room looking at Theo until his former classmate whispered, "Would you like to see her?"

Nodding his head, Ron slowly got to his feet.

"Will she be okay?" he asked, his voice hoarse from disuse over the past day.

"She's stable. Her boy is in better shape but it's a wait-and-see game now."

"Harry's gone in to see if he can figure out what happened on her case."

"Why would he do that-"

"Water under the bridge." Ron replied, cutting Theo off.

**012. Choices**

Ron knew he didn't need to stay day in and day out at St. Mungo's nor take leave from the Aurors but he couldn't make anyone – his siblings, friends, or parents understand why he was making the choices he was, because he didn't understand them himself.

All he knew was that every day that Millie, Daphne, Tracey, or Asteria made an appearance and greeted him with an increased level of friendliness, he felt the guilt regarding not finding Pansy sooner ebb a little more with each visit. In fact, he found himself enjoying their friendly banter more each day.

**013. Sliver**

As the days passed, Ron clung to any sliver of hope that today would be the day that Pansy woke. Everyone who visited her or her child (at least that's who they believed the young boy was) could tell they were improving physically, but nothing that Theo did as their Healer brought them back to consciousness.

A soft knock on Pansy's open door surprised Ron. Turning his head, he saw that Harry was standing in the doorway, looking as exhausted as Ron felt.

A new wave of sadness rushed over Ron as Harry whispered, "It's not pretty at all."

**014. Enemies**

Ron didn't stop walking until he found himself on the roof of St. Mungo's. The bitter cold of the December night, the only thing he could feel.

Every horrid detail of Pansy's life coming alive for Ron in his head: the arranged marriage which led to a sham of a trial which resulted in a stay at Azkaban before she simply disappeared one day. Everything that had happened to her after the war wasn't because she had done anything wrong but because her parents had auctioned her off to one of the worst Death Eaters making her guilty by association.

**015. Head**

Ron's head bouncing off his chest, jerked him awake. Stretching in the uncomfortable chair, he stopped midway when he realised that he wasn't along any longer. Ron watched as Theo walked in with Pansy's little boy wrapped around him.

Ron watched as Theo spoke gently to the child with Pansy's black hair. He couldn't hear anything that Theo said but whatever it was caused the little boy to turn his head. Ron drew in a sharp breath as he saw Pansy's light blue eyes peer at him under thick black lashes.

"Ron, I would like you to meet Elliot."

**016. Farewells**

"This is unexpected."

The sound of his mum's voice took Ron's attention away from Elliot's sleeping form curled up in his lap. Since the boy had gained consciousness, his heath improved drastically; enough for St. Mungo's to release him but due to Pansy's own health, they hadn't pressed the issue.

"Who's your friend?"

"Pansy's boy Elliot," Ron replied quietly as his mum pulled a chair up next to his own.

"You know Ron, I had this entire speech thought out about you needing to move on but I guess that's a mute point now, isn't it?"

**017. Overturn**

It started with a flash of movement which led to a sharp jerk of his head which led to him disturbing Elliot on his lap which led to Elliot's glass of milk being overturned and ended with an upset yowl from the startled boy.

Quickly, Ron wrapped his arms around Elliot and set about calming him. Getting to his feet, he took to swaying the boy as he murmured soft white noise into the boy's ear.

Only when Ron thought it was safe did he check on Pansy's unconscious form only to find glassy blue eyes staring back at him.

**018. Horizon**

Ron watched terrified as Theo examined Pansy. He was thankful that no one had insisted Elliot be removed from his arms; holding the boy was the only thing keeping him together. Every so often his eyes would find Pansy's and he would force a smile on his face.

Something in the back of his mind told him that this was it; that this moment would change his life forever.

The breath he didn't know he was holding rushed from him when he saw the normally stoic Theo smile at Pansy before softly saying, "I'm going to spread the word."

**019. Red**

Ron had stopped seeing red three tones ago as he stormed through the Ministry toward the office in the MLE responsible for the Death Eater trials and cases.

He had hated to leave Pansy in the state she was in but he figured between her friends and his mum now spitting venom in her defense that she and Elliot were safe for the time being.

Crashing through the doors, he was greeted by the sight of Bill, Ginny, Harry, Hermione and Percy all yelling; turning red as they shouted at the imbeciles who worked there. A complete surprise to Ron.

**020. Snow**

The falling snow when he exited the Ministry did nothing to cool the rage still pouring off of him. He stood there for several seconds taking deep breaths, letting the brisk air hit his throat. He was about to start walking back to St. Mungo's when he heard a familiar voice call his name repeatedly in a tone that begged him to stop.

Turning around, he watched as Harry ran towards him. When Harry came to a stop in front of Ron, he spoke quickly, "Promise me you won't do anything rash. At least not now. Please just be patient."

**021. Children**

"I understand that Draco!" Ron quietly growled back, trying hard not to upset either Pansy or Elliot. "You don't have to remind me, you all were children. I was one too."

"So what are you going to do? She clearly won't survive Azkaban?"

"I don't know, Harry and the others are trying to find a loophole: either time served or probation or hell, even having the charges dropped."

When Draco didn't respond immediately, Ron turned his head and found himself looking directly at a pensive Draco who finally whispered, "She deserves a bit of happiness at the very least."

**022. Blue**

Everything happened so quickly.

Ron couldn't get out of his chair fast enough with Elliot in his lap to get to Pansy before two men in Auror robes pulled her from her bed. He desperately tried to get her away from them as Elliot's wails started to pierce his eardrums while profanity poured form his mouth as well as Theo's.

When he saw someone make a move for Elliot, he quickly grabbed the boy and raised his wand at the wizard. He felt so helpless watching the Aurors pull a still obviously ill Pansy from the room as Elliot cried.

**023. Invisible**

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Harry asked, discretely handing over his invisibility cloak in the middle of Diagon Alley.

"It's a chance I have to take."

"Just keep us posted that you all are doing fine. Hopefully, we can get this whole thing righted to get you home for Christmas."

"I'm not holding my breath," Ron replied sadly.

"Be careful. Those two are depending on you now." Harry grabbed Ron, hugging him tight. "So don't do anything stupid."

"Think I'm about to do that," Ron whispered back, before turning and fading into the crowd entering the Ministry.

**024. Missing**  
_  
War hero Ron Weasley and convicted Death Eater Pansy Dolohov went missing yesterday after a breech in security at the Ministry. It is widely known that Auror Weasley was responsible for bringing the elusive Mrs. Dolohov back to face the outstanding charges against her._

_No statement has been issued from the Ministry, Auror Weasley's family, or Harry Potter._

_Suspiciously her son Elliot Dolohov, who was in the care of St. Mungo's has also disappeared._

_Our sources believe that Mrs. Dolohov is on the run yet again with her son while the rest of us wait on word regarding Auror Weasley._

**025. Flattery**

Exhaustion weighed heavily on Ron with Elliot secured against one side of his body and Pansy clinging weakly to the other. The few days she had spent at Azkaban had undone most of the hard work that Theo had spent weeks on.

He could see their destination just in the distance: old Shell Cottage.

His body shivered from the memories of bringing Hermione here during the war. He hadn't wanted to come back here but all the protections Bill had established were still in place so it made a perfect hideaway.

"It's beautiful," Pansy whispered. "Thank you for everything Ron."

**026. Miscommunication**

Ron just stood at the door of _that _room. He recalled asking Bill to change the room before he got here but evidently Bill either forgot, got too busy or was being passive-aggressive. Ron had his money on the third though he knew Bill would claim the second.

Sighing, he relented to sleeping on the couch for the time they were here. He quickly grabbed the covers and made his way to kip on the couch. He was nearly asleep when Pansy's voice soft and scared called his name.

Quickly, he went to her deciding sleep was overrated anyway.

**027. Wind**

The cool sea breeze felt good against his face as he watched Elliot happily play on a beginner's broom. Pansy's ordeal in Azkaban was still taking its toll on her: keeping her up at nights if Ron wasn't by her side and causing her to sleep most of the day away.

Ron was thankful to have Elliot to keep him distracted. There had been no news from anyone about how it was going back in London; all Ron had to go on was _The Daily Prophet_ which he promptly burned before Pansy could see it, trying to avoid any setbacks.

**028. Irritation**

"What aren't you telling me?"

The strength in Pansy's voice took Ron by surprise as he returned to the kitchen after tucking Elliot into bed for the evening. If only her irritation would reach her eyes, Ron knew he would smile.

Playing dumb, he replied, "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Breaking me out of Azkaban, hiding here, no mention of you talking to anybody – oh, I don't know, Ron?"

This time he couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud as he took a seat.

"What?" she hissed.

"Strangely happy about seeing the petulant princess I remember Pansy."

**029. Why?**

"Why?"

Pansy's stunned voice caused him to chuckle again. Shrugging his shoulders, he casually remarked, "Makes this whole situation feel more real."

"_This_ hasn't been real since you caught me pinching some milk."

"You aren't the only one to feel that way."

"Why did you chase after me at the cafe?"

"Same reason I'd been walking the streets of London for two months after that night –there was something familiar about you. I figured you needed help and I though I could. I just didn't know it was _you_ until a particularly loud yelling match with Theo at St. Mungo's."

**030. Protocol**

"But why help me?"

Pansy's voice so little and unsure. She reminded him of the street urchin from their first encounter; when he assumed she was nothing more than a child.

"Because it was the right thing to do." Watching tears slowly roll down her face, Ron stretched his hand, palm up towards her across the table. "That and I'm a big believer in second chances."

"Even though-"

"We were children fighting a war. I ran out on Harry and Hermione when things got really bad, and they gave me a second chance. It's time I gave the same gift."

**031. His.**

Ron wondered if a quiet life, something close to this (he could definitely live without being on the run again) could be his. No family and friends barging into his home without notice; the time to simply enjoy being outdoors (he found himself looking for a garden gnome every so often); a chance to simply breath and live, actually enjoying the life he had fought to keep.

Most of all, in the moments he helped Elliot fly around the guarded yard, his mind drifted to the inevitable that he would never find someone to share his life with.

**032. Club**

He hated the way she still jumped when he made a sharp sound or at times simply entered the room; however, Ron had just learned to live with it because nothing he had said had changed this one thing about Pansy.

This time though she did more than give a start when him and Elliot came in; this time he caught her furiously trying to hide her tears. Quickly sending Elliot to clean up for lunch, Ron went to Pansy and brought her body close as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I want him to have a family Ron."

**033. Breathing**

Something had changed between them though Ron couldn't quite put his finger on it. After that afternoon in the kitchen, he watched as Pansy folded in on herself.

The haunted look returned to her eyes and though she was able to hide it from Elliot, she couldn't hide it from Ron. He found himself turning more and more into his mother, the quieter Pansy became.

The way she looked at Elliot at times made him get up in the early hours to make sure she was still breathing; that she hadn't taken herself away from the son who needed her.

**034. Wings**

It was absolutely perfect.

Ron's mind ran in a thousand different directions of how he and Elliot could make Pansy's upcoming birthday special; in order to give her something to be happy about. He thought about a cake and candles, silly hats and maybe he could help Elliot with a gift.

Elliot's insistent pulling on his shirt interrupted his thoughts. Smiling at the angel in front of him, he asked, "What?"

"So can we do something? She always does something for mine."

"Of course." Ron smiled, tussling Elliot's dark hair. "Do you have any ideas on how to surprise her?"

**035. Thief**

"Can you help me Ron?" Elliot's voice called down from the second floor.

"Sure thing," he replied, getting to his feet with his eyes on Pansy who was sitting on a small bench staring dejectedly outside. He waited briefly for her to react to Elliot's request but she didn't raise her head.

Every day he swore he would call Theo the next day for help, but after two weeks he still hadn't, too afraid that he could lose her presence He wasn't sure when she had stolen a place in his life but he was glad that she and Elliot had.

**036. Tense**

When the alarm sounded, Ron watched as something finally came alive in Pansy. Quickly, instead of rejoicing the change in her, he grabbed Elliot and forced him into Pansy's arms with the emergency Portkey to take her to another safe house.

Much to his surprise, she refused to leave immediately. He was about to insist when a firm knock sounded on the door.

Ron begged her quietly to go again, thinking that this was the end but she refused. He watched as she wrapped her arms tighter around Elliot, whispering, "Not without you."

His heart would've burst if the door hadn't.

**037. Sunshine**

His eyes struggled to open. The fog in his head too strong to allow him to fully take in his surroundings. A familiar whisper of his name caused his mind to overcome his sluggish body with the singular thought of Pansy and Elliot.

Calling out their names, he tried to get out of the bed. Someone cried his name as sunshine blinded him. A small body wrapped around him as he tried to sit up. A familiar scent filled his nose – Pansy.

Suddenly his brother yelled - "Why didn't you open the door? Didn't you hear the alarm?"

**038. Smoke**

When the fog completely left his mind, he noticed that he was in his old room of the Burrow while Harry, Bill, and his parents stood at the door. He wanted to get to his feet and ask them quietly if this meant everything was fixed but Pansy was wrapped too tightly around him.

Instead, he watched as his mum slipped away in an attempt to hide her tears; his father sadly smile before following his mum; his brother give him a false smile that said so much; and Harry walking towards him, whispering, "I'm sorry Ron. So sorry."

**039. Passion**

Ron had no idea as to how everyone could be so calm about the situation. Pansy didn't belong in Azkaban anymore than him, Harry, or Hermione. Evidently, no one at the Ministry cared about the fact that she was still so sick from doing without for so long and that she had a son. Even more he hated that somehow Pansy had convinced herself that she deserved it.

Nothing he said, or yelled while Pansy clung to him appeared to sway anybody.

It had been decided, tomorrow Pansy would turn herself in and guardianship of Elliot would go to Ron.

**040. Dirty**

Ron knew he should be thankful that they were letting him come with Pansy to the gates of Azkaban. Years in the Aurors escorting prisoners there should have made him numb to the filth of the place and he thought it had until now.

The twisting of his gut as the prison had rose from the sea, only increased as they walked to the front gates. Then again, he had never felt this way about anyone he had escorted there before.

Just before the guards took her away, he pulled Pansy his body and swore he'd get her out.

**041. Awake**

Jolting awake, Ron was on his feet before he could figure out what woke him. He didn't have to wait long.

Rushing down the hall, following the subsequent wails of 'Mum' through Shell Cottage. He hadn't known why it had become so important to him to move Elliot back here; it just felt right.

Not a single person in his family had said a word about his choice. They just kept smiling in his direction when they didn't think he could see them.

All of that was forgotten though as soon as he saw Elliot's wet face.

**042. Ghost**

The room he had always associated with Hermione no longer held the same ghosts it once had.

For now there was no Pansy quietly moving around the house; no sound of her reading Elliot stories; no laughter when Ron made a fool of himself or burnt their meal.

Worse of all, there was the ghost of the home that Shell Cottage had once been for Ron.

And in the early morning hours as he rocked Elliot back to sleep, he longed for the home he hadn't realised he had until it had been taken away from him without his permission.

**043. Rumour**

_You need to come in now._- was all the note from Harry said.

With a serious amount of cajoling he had gotten Elliot packed up and delivered to his Mum before rushing in the Ministry. He didn't get far into the building before he was met by a frazzled looking Harry.

He was about to say something when Harry beat him to the punchline:

"I don't have all the details, only rumours, but I promise you, heads are rolling."

"Harry..."

"Come on. We need to get you to the clinic at Azkaban. They don't know if Pansy will make it."

**044. Mirror**

His heart plummeted even further when he saw the shaggy black hair, the white skin littered with purple bruisers, the bandages on her face and arms.

Ron ran to her bed, falling to his knees hard on the stone ground by its side. He repeated her name over and over again as he stroked what was left of her hair.

When someone finally came close enough, he turned, seeing Harry, and growled, "She's coming home with me tonight. I'm not leaving her here."

"Ron I wish-"

"Harry don't wish. _Do_. I don't care what you do. She's coming home tonight."

**045. Eclipse**

Finally, as Theo charged into the room, did Ron see someone whose murderous looks may have eclipsed his own.

"One Healer," Ron sneered towards the idiots refusing to let him take Pansy home. "Now she's coming home with me and him."

"But-"

Ron slugged the arsehole dumb enough to try and stop him. "Anyone else feeling stupid?"

When no one else moved, he carefully moved to pick Pansy's body up from the bed. The limpness of it about destroyed him on the spot. Tightening his hold, he stalked out of the clinic with Theo on his tail yelling about lawsuits.

**046. Impossible**

Ron blinked. He could have sworn he had woke to Pansy's pale blue eyes, glassy and staring back at him.

Theo had thought it would be weeks if she ever woke again. Looking back at her bed, he saw her looking back at him.

Still thinking he was seeing things he rubbed his eyes before looking again; finally his mind comprehended that he actually was seeing Pansy awake.

Scrambling from the chair he had been living and sleeping in, Ron landed hard on his knees while his hands went to her face.

For the first time, he simply cried.

**047. Seek**

With much less effort than he would have liked, Ron lifted Pansy from her bed and carried her down the stairs to see everyone who had seen to their every need while Ron cared for her. Ron gently kissed the top of her head when the crowded ground floor of Shell Cottage came into her view.

A wonderfully heavy feeling rushed through him as she gripped him tighter. Gently he whispered, "Elliot's here too."

And though her grip didn't loosen, he could feel her head turning to look. Just at the right moment, he saw Elliot being lifted up by Bill.

**048. Image**

She was it.

He could not image wanting anymore than this: standing in the doorway to Elliot's room as the boy curled up next to Pansy while she read to him.

When she smiled in his direction, he finally let the images he had been holding back hurl towards the front of his mind: seeing her walk down the aisle – a proper wedding this time; her saying 'yes' as he gave her a simple engagement wing; her eyes in the early morning sun; and her touch while he showed her how much she meant to him – that he simply loved her.

**049. Welcome**

Ron had never been so nervous in his life as he carried her back to bed. He found some selfish comfort in the tension he could feel in Pansy's own body.

When she tentatively said his name, there was something in her voice that made him spill his guts.

By the time, he had finished confessing all the secrets of his heart, Ron hung his head in defeat; so afraid that she was going to reject him. However, when he didn't hear anything, Ron took a deep breath before looking in her direction.

There he saw everything in her joyful tears.

**050. Wisdom**

He couldn't help himself as he watched Pansy sleep in the early morning hours. She was just so beautiful to him in the glow of the moonlight. Brushing a loose tendril form her face and hearing her contented sigh, he leaned over and gently kissed her forehead.

Even though the had yet to properly kiss her, touch her, experience her; and tonight they slept in the same bed for the first time fully clothed, Ron knew this was his forever. Pansy and Elliot were his future. For they had become his everything.

He was so grateful, as he studied her peaceful face, that it took him so long to grow up. Getting to her had been worth it.

_Fin._


End file.
